Why write about death?

My father-in-law just passed at age 72. He was a kind and loving man and meant a lot to our family. I am not writing a memorial however, it's more of consolidation of my experiences about one person's road to death. I am compelled to write because of the experiences we had with Lewis over the years in the US healthcare system.

Lewis had heart issues from an early age. His first bypass surgery occurred in his early 40s. His second in his 50s and he endured a life of blocked arteries and poor circulation. He worked at the US Postal Service and enjoyed the benefits of an early retirement (age 62) and good health insurance.

You can imagine all the details of a life with a weak heart and I don't really have any great insight into those years. I just know that today's medicine, surgery and healthcare can manage just about anything. We predicted Lewis's demise many times, knowing that he had suffered heart attacks, surgeries, stents, carotid surgeries, the insertion of a pacemaker and then a defibrillator.

It turns out it's just hard to die in America, we know how to prolong life in so many ways, but, it always seemed a kind of miracle when he would bounce back from the latest insult. It was hard not to asses his latest trip to the hospital as possibly his last but he would always come through with an ability to continue to lead a productive retirement life.

That brings me to one of the reasons for writing, the challenges of today's modern medical science. How do loved ones asses the diagnosis and prognosis? How do you plan for someone's future when they and medical science conspire to keep going, forever? When they are at pill number 10. 11, or 12 does that mean their time is near? Surgery number 10? Hospital stay number 10, or even 20?

When Lewis retired he also got divorced. I worked on his divorce to help them divide their assets painlessly and fairly. But in that effort there came decisions that would be effected by Lewis's longevity. How do you predict that? You don't. But you do have to make some judgements to properly divide things like retirement benefits etc. A lump some payment is worth more if you only live a few years while an annuity, paid monthly, is worth more if you live a long time.

I can say now, with the clarity of hindsight, I made the wrong judgement. His ex-wife received the far greater benefit because Lewis lived longer than anyone imagined. After three more years his lump sum distribution became worth less that her annuity. He then lived another seven.

That's just one of the many life decisions that are affected by a loved one's longevity. But there is a lot more to the story. When the end time seems near there are a flurry of these kinds of decisions, and, some more than others directly affect the outcome. With this as background, I am writing about those last six months of this journey.